The Fear Of Being Seen

And how I got over it.

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For the longest time in my life, I silently lived with a fear of being seen. I was okay with being titled as second, but I actively pulled myself back at every opportunity of coming first. The limelight, the judgement and the pressure that accompanied being on the top outweighed the benefits. 

But what was the point of undermining myself when I only have one life to live? What was the point of experiencing the mental (as well as physical) repercussions of this fear when it was all inside my head? So I decided to get over it. 

First step..

I slipped out of my comfort zone every opportunity I got (but not at the cost of my mental health!)

If you fear something, it is likely that things won’t change unless you do something about it. The best way to eliminate the fear of being seen is by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. When you step outside your shell, you will realise that people are not actively thinking about you the way you are thinking about yourself. However, step outside with caution. Sometimes though, the outside world can be toxic. Allow yourself to grow, but remember to guard yourself with care. 

I always tell myself, do everything that allows you to get over those fears but do nothing if it comes at the cost of your mental health.   

Perspectives..

I shifted my perspective. 

Usually, all our fears trace back to a thought or an experience. I always feared being judged by the people around me. The people I knew. When forced to shift perspective, I realised I was surrounding myself with the wrong people (at least a few!). As hard as it was to let go, I decided to eliminate the root cause of my fear. It worked wonders.

Sometimes, all you need is to look at the same things from a different place to see what you have been missing all along. 

I grew up.

We often overlook the healing nature of time. As cliché as it may sound, life experience does teach you a thing or two about maturity. Maturity is when you realise that everyone comes with their own set of insecurities. You may likely be insecure about something someone else may be good at, whereas someone else may be insecure about something you are good at. But it’s something you learn over time.

My fear of being seen still creeps up every once in a while, but every year, we get better at co-existing for a brief period without panic. 

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Last week, I introduced myself on Notes. It is something I have feared since the day I launched my newsletter.

Mika

’s words inspired me to let go of my fears and show up with courage. She says, “It’s so easy to overlook all the effort we’re already putting in and instead feel like we’re falling short of some invisible standard we’ve created for ourselves. Sometimes, the most freeing thing we can do is step back and ask, “Who says?”.

In case you missed my post,

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THIS WEEK’s RECOMMENDATIONS

I found some masterpieces here on Substack last week. Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did. ✨

• its been a year and i'm not "successful" by

  Izzy
  .

• mothers and daughters by

  Camille
  and
  Alex B
  .

• The Great Tug of War of Life by

  Nathaniel Drew
  .

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If you enjoy reading Unwind, I would love it if you consider recommending the publication to your readers. Simply go to your dashboard > Recommendations > Manage > Add recommendation > Unwind.

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How To Live With A Sense Of Wonder

Things I wanted to say to myself (and to you) last week