I've often found that this sort of criticism (the type that isn't helpful) comes from people reeling from deep insecurities. It is best ignored. The people you can learn from are too busy for this kind of acidic criticism; they are also kind when approached, and will readily offer their help.
It's inevitable that we'll encounter this type that's just out to insult. It's just part of doing business. They aren't your clients, and they'll never be. These are best forgotten as soon as they're seen.
Totally! We have no clue how impactful our comments can be on people that we have never met and might never cross paths ever again. How potent that thought is!!
As a member of a Public speaking club several years ago, I got badly criticised by someone after a speech that I presented.
I was hurt so deeply that I have not returned to that particular club since.
Many years later, as I look back at what this particular person said about my speech, I realise that they were bang on.
I'd always had great reviews for my speeches. However, I never did very well in competitions especially if they were decided on with voting. I was never the People's choice.
I realise that they gave me the most useful feedback.
There was an obstacle to my connecting with the audience that people were not able to touch on but it was there and it was affecting my delivery.
The problem was that it was a weakness in the presentation that arose out of a deep seated issue and they perhaps didn't have the right (and kind) vocabulary to use to communicate to me.
My point here is that I think that first (uninvested) reactions to your work can be the most telling.
The people that care enough also care too much to hurt. So as they search around for a way to frame their comment, something is missed.
A person who doesn't care too much will just say what they see. And sometimes that's helpful because most of the people that will engage with your work are not family or friend.
There's got to be a way to receive this kind of feedback without collapsing under its weighty negativity.
Perhaps consciously refusing to process it for a couple weeks so that one is more objective later. After all, the first few comments after a post is published find one at their most vulnerable, I'd imagine.
I don't know what techniques would help but there's got to be a way to find out what the person is saying because it could be the turning point albeit delivered in crappy wrapping.
Rooting for you, the criticism will inevitably come, it’s sadly part of the process but you only let them win if it makes you stop ❤️ so don’t let them win 👏🥂
Oh Mansi ❤️ this is a really generous piece, it will surely help others who unfortunately may find themselves in a similar position. I hope you know how you much you and your words are appreciated here 🙏
I do try to focus on the good parts like the love and support this community provides on this platform, while letting go of the ones that can affect my inner peace. I think it’s all a part of putting ourselves (and our art) out there in the world.
Mansi, thank you so much for recommending my essay, "No One is Better Than You."
I appreciate your level of equanimity when facing criticism, whether it is valid or a troll. You are so right that the key is to keep it in the back of your mind that it's coming! This is one of my most important mindfulness practices, in the form of always being aware that if we want to feel pleasure we must also be willing to feel pain. They are two sides of one coin: being human. ❤️🙏
Good points to remember, thanks. The haters will lurk everywhere, sadly we can’t control their negativity but we can control letting them silence our words and our art. So glad you’ve pushed past it x
Thanks Nelly! As I said, I figured out that the key is to know that it can happen to you, but to keep going no matter what and never let them win. I think this realisation was life changing!
Thank you for being here, sending good vibes your way✨
Love how vulnerable and real this is, Mansi. Thank you for taking us along on this journey with you and reminding us all that we will inevitably experience judgement, but it’s never our fault (it’s theirs).
Thank you Lynelle! Constructive criticism is always appreciated because there may be some scope for improvement that our eyes may not able to see at the moment. So it definitely helps to broaden our horizons ✨
I still can’t believe that there are negative nellies floating around Substack. I’m sorry you had that experience, but was able to make some sense from it.
I guess the negative nellies are everywhere and Substack is no different. But my mind is learning to not pay heed to them now because they don't deserve it. Only focusing on the positivity that exists here on Substack.⭐️🌻
I always wondered about people who turn comments off. And I guess it depends on each individual’s boundaries, what they’re comfortable with. It’s really difficult to find your community that you really want to hear what they have to say. What are your thoughts?
I think it’s completely a personal choice to turn off comments or engage with these trolls(which I dont suggest engaging at all). In the end, your peace of mind is what matters. So if turning off the comments protects your peace of mind, I say why not, right?
PS: it’s not something I personally wish to do because I LOVE interacting with people here, the community that really matters to me is so supportive and positive✨
This quote is beautiful: "I hope you always remember that choosing to share your art with the world was never meant to please anyone else but yourself in the first place" Thank you sharing your art with us, despite the difficulties you face <3
I've often found that this sort of criticism (the type that isn't helpful) comes from people reeling from deep insecurities. It is best ignored. The people you can learn from are too busy for this kind of acidic criticism; they are also kind when approached, and will readily offer their help.
It's inevitable that we'll encounter this type that's just out to insult. It's just part of doing business. They aren't your clients, and they'll never be. These are best forgotten as soon as they're seen.
Absolutely true!
It's best to let go of this negativity and also to remember to be kind to others on the internet as well.
Totally! We have no clue how impactful our comments can be on people that we have never met and might never cross paths ever again. How potent that thought is!!
From another perspective....
As a member of a Public speaking club several years ago, I got badly criticised by someone after a speech that I presented.
I was hurt so deeply that I have not returned to that particular club since.
Many years later, as I look back at what this particular person said about my speech, I realise that they were bang on.
I'd always had great reviews for my speeches. However, I never did very well in competitions especially if they were decided on with voting. I was never the People's choice.
I realise that they gave me the most useful feedback.
There was an obstacle to my connecting with the audience that people were not able to touch on but it was there and it was affecting my delivery.
The problem was that it was a weakness in the presentation that arose out of a deep seated issue and they perhaps didn't have the right (and kind) vocabulary to use to communicate to me.
My point here is that I think that first (uninvested) reactions to your work can be the most telling.
The people that care enough also care too much to hurt. So as they search around for a way to frame their comment, something is missed.
A person who doesn't care too much will just say what they see. And sometimes that's helpful because most of the people that will engage with your work are not family or friend.
There's got to be a way to receive this kind of feedback without collapsing under its weighty negativity.
Perhaps consciously refusing to process it for a couple weeks so that one is more objective later. After all, the first few comments after a post is published find one at their most vulnerable, I'd imagine.
I don't know what techniques would help but there's got to be a way to find out what the person is saying because it could be the turning point albeit delivered in crappy wrapping.
Rooting for you, the criticism will inevitably come, it’s sadly part of the process but you only let them win if it makes you stop ❤️ so don’t let them win 👏🥂
Thank you Elin! I love the positivity you bring on this platform with your words. ✨
🥰
Oh Mansi ❤️ this is a really generous piece, it will surely help others who unfortunately may find themselves in a similar position. I hope you know how you much you and your words are appreciated here 🙏
Thank you Emily!💛
I do try to focus on the good parts like the love and support this community provides on this platform, while letting go of the ones that can affect my inner peace. I think it’s all a part of putting ourselves (and our art) out there in the world.
Much love✨
Mansi, thank you so much for recommending my essay, "No One is Better Than You."
I appreciate your level of equanimity when facing criticism, whether it is valid or a troll. You are so right that the key is to keep it in the back of your mind that it's coming! This is one of my most important mindfulness practices, in the form of always being aware that if we want to feel pleasure we must also be willing to feel pain. They are two sides of one coin: being human. ❤️🙏
Absolutely!
Being human comes with both light and shade. Here's to practicing mindfulness at all walks of life✨🙏🏻
Good points to remember, thanks. The haters will lurk everywhere, sadly we can’t control their negativity but we can control letting them silence our words and our art. So glad you’ve pushed past it x
Thanks Nelly! As I said, I figured out that the key is to know that it can happen to you, but to keep going no matter what and never let them win. I think this realisation was life changing!
Thank you for being here, sending good vibes your way✨
Yessssss. And talking about it, encouraging each other really helps too I think :) You too.
‘I hope you know that you don’t have to either.’
A very important fact. Fully agreed and well said points.
Thank you!🌻
Love how vulnerable and real this is, Mansi. Thank you for taking us along on this journey with you and reminding us all that we will inevitably experience judgement, but it’s never our fault (it’s theirs).
Also, thank you so much for the share ♥️
Thank you Jen! Loved your post✨
I hope the next time you face criticism, it is constructive. We all need that every now and then, but until then ignore the internet trolls : )
Thank you Lynelle! Constructive criticism is always appreciated because there may be some scope for improvement that our eyes may not able to see at the moment. So it definitely helps to broaden our horizons ✨
Mansi, great topic covered really well by you. Your actions and creations are a mirror for the person who consumes them. Keep living free :)
Thank you Niall. So well said✨
Loved this! So grateful to have found you!
I am grateful you are here, welcome🌻✨
I still can’t believe that there are negative nellies floating around Substack. I’m sorry you had that experience, but was able to make some sense from it.
Cheering you on!
Thank you Mika!
I guess the negative nellies are everywhere and Substack is no different. But my mind is learning to not pay heed to them now because they don't deserve it. Only focusing on the positivity that exists here on Substack.⭐️🌻
Thank you so much for this!
I always wondered about people who turn comments off. And I guess it depends on each individual’s boundaries, what they’re comfortable with. It’s really difficult to find your community that you really want to hear what they have to say. What are your thoughts?
I’m so glad you’re here✨
I think it’s completely a personal choice to turn off comments or engage with these trolls(which I dont suggest engaging at all). In the end, your peace of mind is what matters. So if turning off the comments protects your peace of mind, I say why not, right?
PS: it’s not something I personally wish to do because I LOVE interacting with people here, the community that really matters to me is so supportive and positive✨
I love your response!
You’re right. At the end of the day you gain more love by meeting all the good people here than the little hate of the “bad” people here.
Thank you for being here 🤣
This quote is beautiful: "I hope you always remember that choosing to share your art with the world was never meant to please anyone else but yourself in the first place" Thank you sharing your art with us, despite the difficulties you face <3
Thank you for sharing and the affirmation!
Thanks for being here Jamal✨
I love what Brene Brown shares around feedback and criticism:
"If you're not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback"
It's so true that we'll be judged not matter what we do, thank you for sharing your experience and writing authentically Mansi 🙏
Love this Jen, thanks for sharing💕
Keep showing up friend❤️