The Self-Improvement Trap
and your permission to trade self-criticism for softness.
It’s 2010, and the world is operating at a slower pace. Parks are full of kids who aren’t overstimulated by screens. Climate change is not at its peak. IPods and digital cameras are still very much in trend. Phones aren’t buzzing with alerts all day. Facebook (and Orkut, if anybody remembers?!) is the only place to be for making friends on the internet. I was still a kid, worrying about winning the next badminton match in the park or strategising how to minimise study time and spend more time outdoors.
We blinked, and now it’s 2026. So much has changed in the last 16 years. You don’t see kids outside enjoying nature like they used to. The air we breathe is severely polluted. Stress levels have been on the rise. The world is progressing in terms of stats and numbers, but its quality is deteriorating. One thing that has seen exponential growth in the last 16 years is an influx of information. Through reels, shorts, podcasts, documentaries - you name it, and it exists. Phones have become our best friends. Self-improvement has become our obsession. A fast-paced world has successfully convinced us that productivity is the only purpose. Constant access to everyone’s lives has fueled this fire. We want to look better. We want to make better choices. We want to know more. We need to keep up with trends to keep feeling relevant.
I have been there (we’re only human!). I have called myself a “failure” multiple times because, somehow, despite doing everything, I still don’t have it all figured out. When I try to keep up with the war and the ever-changing state of the world, I end up with no time to wind down and watch my favourite TV show before heading to bed. When I am listening to a podcast while cleaning my room, I am letting go of the few minutes of solitude I had, where it’s just me and my thoughts. The days have started to feel like a race against time. And sometimes, I am not even spending this time the way I want to. I am trying to be more productive and learn everything because if I don’t, I’ll be left behind.
Recently, I sat with a very important question,
“What race am I running and who exactly am I trying to defeat?”
The truth presented itself. There is no race. But there is severe discomfort in knowing that you didn’t “make it” as per someone else’s timeline. A fear that if you were to be evaluated in the court of life today, you won’t qualify as the one who has lived the most perfect life. Sometimes, there is even a fear that if you stop now, the path ahead might look meaningless.
I have stopped chasing the feeling of being the smartest person in the room. I’d rather be the one who feels more aligned and at peace with herself in a world where dissociation has become a survival mechanism.
I hope that when you read this today, you are reminded that not every piece of information needs a place in your mind. I hope you permit yourself to breathe. To live life in the moment. To head out for a walk without the headphones. To sleep in if you want to. To spare a few minutes just to have breakfast in silence. I hope you choose to live for the simpler moments, because there is nothing better than knowing how to preserve your peace in a world of constant chatter.
If you enjoy reading Unwind, I would love it if you consider recommending the publication to your readers. Simply go to your Dashboard > Recommendations > Manage > Add recommendation > Unwind.
Letters that caught my at2tention this week…
Your Morning Coffee Is the First Domino. Every Hormone Falls After It by Victor. I survived on my morning coffee for 2 years before switching up my routine for good. This letter was a reminder on why doing that was absolutely essential.
Who are you without your job? by Pilar Suquilvide. For the ones who think that a job is their whole world. Also for the ones who know that it isn’t.
What happens when you stop shrinking…and the people closest to you don’t cheer you on… by Annie Ashdown. A reminder to start living for yourself first, before you even think of showing up for others.
How time flies... 16 years, and there are more things to exhaust us than ever before. You say it right: there's no race. We don't have to be any particular way or have this or that other thing to deserve living. Let's ease up; the pressure is only imaginary.
Love this perspective. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is stop running and just be where we are.